


they'll be the best years of your life, they said

by floating_cats



Category: Naruto, ロック・リーの青春フルパワー忍伝 | Rock Lee's Springtime of Youth | Rock Lee & His Ninja Pals
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Gen, Lee is Lee, and has a bit of a 'cousin complex', despite them all being in uni, i don't habitually write about people being into their cousins lol, in this particular fic, it's a running joke in that and not meant to be taken too seriously in this, it's just a PLOT POINT, just want to add, naruto can't cook, neji is allergic to memes, no one seems to study, one-sided NejiHina, shino keeps BEES, so essentially, tenten is the only person with common sense, watch rock lee and his ninja pals and it will make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23342125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floating_cats/pseuds/floating_cats
Summary: Neji Hyuuga starts his second year of uni, hoping to just get on with it in peace. Unfortunately, his weird circle of friends and acquaintances make this very difficult.Featuring Lee's untameable youthfulness, Neji's innate talent for repressing unwanted thoughts and feelings and Tenten's ability to put up with them both.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Neji & Rock Lee & Tenten, one-sided Hyuuga Neji/Hyuuga Hinata
Comments: 15
Kudos: 31





	1. a lack of structural integrity

_Saturday, Week 0_

‘Does this seem – I don’t know, _structurally sound_ to you?’ Tenten asked. She gave the bannister of their new home a tentative nudge with her elbow, and the whole thing rattled violently.

_Brilliant,_ Neji thought grimly, _I’m moving into a house that’ll cave in on me as I sleep._ But to admit to these worries would be tantamount to showing weakness and that was UNACCEPTABLE. So he aimed for a sort of breezy stoicism when he replied that no, it didn’t. ‘But I’m sure we can email the landlord.’

‘Inspired, Neji!’ cried a voice from above. Rock Lee stood at the top of the stairs, arms akimbo, dressed in his usual green jumpsuit and legwarmers, looking something like a cross between Bruce Lee, Robin Hood and a fitness instructor from the 80s. He had already moved all his possessions into his new room, which was unsurprising; Lee was much more enthusiastic about – well, _everything_ than his housemates, whether it be moving house, eating breakfast or challenging Neji to compete over everyday tasks. ‘Do you have other boxes left to carry in? This is like extra training!’

Neji shook his head, but Tenten said that she had a box of kunai left in the car, and Lee ran off to fetch it for her.

Neji carried the last box into his room and set it down on the threadbare carpet. He opened the window as wide as it would go, flopped back onto his bare mattress and allowed himself to finally relax. He took a deep breath, revelling in feeling the sun on his face and inhaling the sweet air of the late afternoon. The sounds of the street outside – muffled traffic, birdsong – drifted in on the breeze, mixing in with the noise of Tenten bustling about next-door, asking Lee to hand her this knife and that incense holder.

Neji smiled.

Yes, this house had thin walls, a tiny kitchen and a bannister that would probably collapse within the week. But it was a cosy home for him and his two unlikely friends. He had grown very fond of his now-housemates over the past year, despite barely tolerating them for the first few months of their acquaintance.

And this year he wouldn’t be dragged into any drama and would be able to concentrate what really mattered: his friends, ending the year with a first, being a good president of the tai chi club, protecting his lovely cousin from any creeps she might encounter in her first year at uni and maintaining his smooth and shiny hair. _Oh yes_ , Neji thought, _this is my year_.

However, ‘his’ year didn’t start ideally. A few hours later, Neji was sitting cross-legged on his now-made bed, frowning at his laptop when Tenten stuck her head round the door.

‘Do you have any really massive books?’ she asked. ‘Lee and I are trying to get the bannister to stop wobbling whenever someone touches it, and we thought maybe - ’

‘Try _Aesthetics: A Critical Anthology,_ purple book, bottom shelf,’ he replied absent-mindedly, his gaze not leaving the screen.

Tenten furrowed her brow and sat on the bed next to him. ‘Are you alright?’

Neji blinked and looked up. ‘Oh, yeah, sorry.’ He sighed. ‘I’m trying to sort out a room for tai chi, but the one I wanted seems to be double-booked by the - ’ – he looked back to the offending email – ‘ – pole dancing and aerial arts society on Wednesday evenings.’

Tenten made a sympathetic face. ‘Oh that’s a shame. Can you sort it out with whoever runs that, maybe – I don’t know, have it alternate weeks or something, or change the day?’

‘Well, maybe - ’

‘Tenten!’ came a cheerful shout from the hall. ‘I’m not sure I can – argh - hold this up much longer, ha ha!’

Neji sighed, and Tenten’s eyes widened. ‘Coming!’ she yelled, grabbed the book and ran off to save Lee from death by bannister.

Neji turned his attention back to the problem at hand. He would just email the guy who ran pole dancing and aerial arts – Deidara, apparently – and arrange a meeting to come to an agreement. Of course this Deidara would be _normal_ and cooperative, and this little mix-up would be solved easily and gracefully amongst themselves – no need to involve the Student Union.

_Thursday, Week 1_

It was funny, Neji reflected as he left his first Moral Theory lecture, that now the highlight of his day was visiting his cousin. If sixteen-year-old Neji had known that four years later, his idea of a perfect evening would be eating dinner with _Hinata_ , he would have been disgusted with his future self.

Her college was a short walk from the lecture halls where most of Neji’s classes took place, in a row of beautiful Georgian townhouses now owned by the university.

He was walking up one of the many flights of stairs to Hinata’s room on the third floor, when he saw a familiar face. All it had taken was a glance at the person fast approaching, coming down the stairs, and Neji’s eyes dropped to the floor as his mind whirred as it did the maths: a clear vitamin D deficiency, plus terrible posture, topped off with gelled hair and the dress sense of a preppy mob boss… There was only one person it could be. _Oh please no,_ Neji thought, as he snuck another look to confirm, _Oh God it is -_ Neji supressed his reflexive reaction to seeing Sasuke Uchiha (an exaggerated eye roll, and in this case, the urge to push him down the stairs), and managed a curt nod of recognition. Sasuke did the same and slouched off. Neji was still contemplating the unpleasant prospect having to watch the most insufferable person on the planet excel for the next few years when he realised he had come to Hinata’s door. He knocked lightly, and it flew open, like she had been waiting behind it. ‘Big brother!’ she cried, and hugged him tight. He wrapped his arms around his cousin, and bent his head into the crook of her shoulder.

‘Hinata. It’s good to see you.’

‘And you! Thank you for coming over, I’ve made soba with herring.’

He pulled back and smiled down at her gently. It was wonderful to have her here, so sweet-faced and lovely. She had her late mother’s dark hair, so dark it almost shone blue under the light. ‘That’s my favourite. It’ll be delicious, I know.’

It _was_ delicious. He inquired about how she was finding university life, and she brightened. ‘I really like it. The independence is nice, you know dad can be strict…’ Neji nodded. Uncle Hiashi was a stern man. ‘Although I miss Hanabi and Auntie Kurenai.’

‘Have you joined any societies?’ Neji asked.

She nodded, smiling. ‘Bubble tea, baking, Anglo-Japanese…’ She giggled as he glared at her. ‘Oh, and tai chi, of course! How could I forget?’

‘How could you,’ Neji said dryly.

‘That’s on Wednesday, 6 – 8, Senju Room, right?’

‘Yes, it…ought to be. I’m working on it,’ Neji said. Well, he’d sent an email to Deidara demanding they settle this. ‘And have you made friends?’ Hinata had been painfully shy as a child, and even though she had become more socially adept as she got older, Neji still worried about her. The idea of her being lonely and sad was hard to bear.

She nodded happily. ‘Yes, the guys on my corridor are really nice.’

‘Guys?’ Neji asked, raising an eyebrow. She flushed.

‘Neji!’ she protested. ‘It’s not like that, we’re just friends. They’re funny. Kiba has a dog, and sometimes it - ’

‘Aren’t these flats meant to be pet-free?’

Hinata giggled. ‘Well, yes, but Kiba loves Akamaru! We all have to take turns hiding him in our rooms when the cleaning ladies come around.’ She paused and looked up, pensive. ‘And I think Shino’s keeping _bees_ in his room. I won’t hide _them_ though.’

Neji decided not to inquire further. ‘Right.’

‘And there’s some people from school, um, like Sakura and Sasuke and - ’

‘Hey! Hinata! Oh, and is that Neji?’

‘And N-Naruto…’ Hinata finished, twisting to face said boy, her voice trailing off as she blushed. Neji nodded to him.

Naruto Uzumaki, in his customary garish orange, no less. _So he was here too…_ Hinata had always liked him, but the idiot was completely oblivious to it. However, Neji had to grudgingly admit that it had been Naruto who had been the catalyst to completely changing Neji’s previously bitter attitude to his cousin (but not before he’d punched Neji in the jaw and screamed at him).

‘What’s up? Family dinner?’ he asked as he filled the kettle.

‘Y-Yes,’ Hinata said. ‘I made soba with herring.’

‘That’s amazing!’ Naruto really did look genuinely blown away. ‘Say, do you know how to cook ramen?’

‘I’m sure – I’m sure I could find a recipe,’ Hinata murmured, pushing her fingers together and staring resolutely at the table. Well, this was better than her fainting every time he looked at her, like she had done while she was at school.

‘Hinata, would you teach me?’ Naruto pleaded, kneeling next to her where she was sitting at the table. Neji could see her reddening, starting from the ears, spreading to her cheeks and her neck, and he prepared to bat Naruto off with his chopsticks if he got too close. ‘I _really_ miss Ichiraku’s, but I can’t cook for shit, so I have to get instant.’ He grabbed two packets of instant ramen from his pockets and waved them at her. _Did he just carry them for emergencies, or…?_

‘O-Of course!’ Hinata stammered. ‘I’d be happy to.’

Naruto grinned and gave her thumbs up, springing to his feet as the kettle clicked. ‘You’re the best! Ok, I gotta go bring Sasuke his dinner!’ He poured the boiling water over two bowls of noodles and left, surprising Neji in that he didn’t spill boiling water all over his hands and the floor as he did so. Neji turned back to Hinata.

‘So Naruto’s in your college, hm?’

Hinata flushed deeper. ‘Oh, um, no. Sasuke’s here, so Naruto visits sometimes. I think they play Pokémon together.’

‘Hm,’ Neji said, drinking the remaining broth from his bowl.

‘So, Neji how’s your new house?’ Hinata asked, in a pretty blatant attempt to change the subject. ‘Can I visit soon?’

Neji snorted, and decided that they could discuss Naruto at a later date. ‘Wait until we’ve fixed our stairs, then we’ll talk…’ He wasn’t letting his delicate cousin into that death trap.

_Tuesday, Week 2_

Neji felt as if he would spontaneously combust, but that would not be proper in the middle of the Student Union café.

‘I’m sorry, why do you need the Senju Room on Wednesday evening _specifically_?’ he asked, the forced politeness in his tone barely covering the simmering rage underneath. Deidara - who had turned out to be some kind of hipster pyromaniac, with hair long and shiny enough to rival Neji’s – lounged in his seat across from him.

‘We don’t, yeah,’ Deidara said casually. Neji clenched his fists. ‘It’s just that _you_ can’t have it then.’

‘Why?’ Neji ground out through gritted teeth.

‘Because of Itachi,’ Deidara said, like it ought to be obvious.

Neji stared at him. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Itachi Uchiha, yeah.’

‘I _know_ who he is!’ Neji exploded. ‘What about him?’

Deidara took a sip of his coffee. ‘Well, I hate him. Prick. He saw my art at an exhibition two years ago, and he – he laughed at it! And when I - ’

‘I - don’t - care,’ Neji enunciated, glaring. ‘What does your art have to do with obstructing my tai chi club?’

Deidara leant across the table. ‘Itachi’s _in_ your tai chi club, yeah. Sorry it had to be like this, but - ’ - he sprawled back in his chair and held up his hands – ‘ – I had to do it to ‘em.’

That was _it_. Neji shoved his chair back, got up, grabbed his bag and coat, turned on his heel and stalked off, not looking back. Deidara was shouting at him that he hadn’t paid for his tea, and heads were turning, but Neji didn’t care. Deidara could pay for it, piece of shit. And then he could go _fuck himself_.

‘And then do you know what he said?’ Neji ranted.

Lee stared at him with wide eyes. ‘No! What did he say?’

‘He fucking quoted – the – the - Lucky Luciano meme!’

Tenten put down the knife she was sharpening to clasp her hands together. ‘So, just to clarify – you know he had to do it to ‘em?’

Neji nodded, frustrated and deadly serious, and when both of his housemates started to snigger, he shot them both poisonous looks. ‘This is no time for memes!’ The sniggering continued. ‘This is important! Yes, Tenten, I do have a sense of humour but there is a time and a place.’

She coughed, and tried to compose herself. ‘Ahem. Yes, yes, of course.’

‘Yes Neji, we are behind you!’ Lee added. He winked, grinned and flashed a thumbs up in a way that was probably meant to be comforting. It wasn’t, but Neji appreciated the sentiment. ‘Two-hundred percent!’

He scowled at them both. ‘ _Thank_ you. Now, any ideas? Besides killing Deidara, I’ve already thought of that.’

Tenten considered. ‘Kill Itachi.’

‘Impress this Deidara with your youthful spirit, and show that it would be a crime to impede it for a petty grudge!’

‘Bribe him with your expensive hair products.’

‘Burn down the room, so neither can have it!’

‘Just move your club to a different day!’

‘No, no, no, no, no!’ Neji said firmly. ‘They are all unacceptable.’ He sighed. ‘I’ll text Shikamaru.’

Tenten patted him on the elbow as he left, and went back to sharpening their kitchen knives. Lee continued doing pull ups over the door to the utility room.


	2. it's all part of my scheme, i swear

_Friday, Week 3_

However, the week passed, and despite consulting the cleverest person he knew, Neji’s revenge was still in its infancy, so when Lee insisted that Neji and Tenten accompany him to orienteering club, it seemed like a welcome distraction. (Granted, his essay on Kant due the following week was also a potential distraction, but…) Also, when it came to Lee, resistance was generally futile.

‘You will _love_ this!’ Lee enthused, as they approached the forest where the club took place. ‘The man who runs it is _incredible_! Such spirit and passion!’ Lee practically had stars in his eyes.

‘I’m sure,’ Neji said, exchanging glances with Tenten.

Lee gasped, and grabbed a hand of each of his companions. ‘There he is! Mr Guy!’ He waved at a figure standing at the base of the hill, and started dragging them down with him.

When Neji and Tenten saw their new instructor they stopped dead in their tracks. Green sportswear? Eyebrows thicker than Tsunade Senju? A shiny black bowl cut? And a grin that literally sparkled in the sunlight? They looked at each other. ‘Lee,’ Tenten asked weakly. ‘Is this your dad?’

Both Lees laughed uproariously. ‘Ha, ha, ha, no!’ Lee said. ‘Oh, if only! That would be wonderful! Mr Guy would make an excellent father! But no, we are in no way related.’

‘Oh right,’ Neji said faintly.

‘Tenten and Neji, right?’ the man boomed. They nodded warily. ‘Lee has described you both. Your youth and passion! Your hard work!’ With each phrase, he struck a different pose. It was impossible to look away. ‘Are you ready for the thrills of orienteering? Exploring the wilderness? Battling the elements? Pushing your body to its limits?’

‘Yes!’ Lee cried, as Tenten gurgled faintly and Neji said nothing.

‘Fantastic!’ Mr Guy said, grinning at them again with his sparkly teeth. ‘Here’s the map! Have fun, and be back before lunch.’

_This was meant to be a nice calm year,_ Neji thought sadly, and he sighed, before grabbing Tenten’s hand and jogging after Lee into the trees.

Come lunchtime and the end of the race, Mr Guy was waiting for them with hot drinks.

‘Well done!’ he bellowed. ‘You have persevered!’ Tenten, who looked dead on her feet, high-fived him weakly. Neji was feeling slightly queasy himself. He hadn’t done any exercise so intense for a while, but had still pushed himself to keep up with Lee, the human spaniel. ‘Now, this is Kakashi Hatake!’ Guy said, gesturing to another man. _Why was that name familiar…_ Neji had never seen him before - that was certain; the man was rather distinctive looking, with a shock of grey hair and a cloth mask covering the lower half of his face. ‘He’s a special friend of mine, and my eternal rival!’

‘Nice to meet you, Neji, Tenten.’

‘Likewise!’ Tenten said, and Neji nodded. ‘Are you a student as well?’

Kakashi’s eyes creased in what Neji assumed was a smile. ‘Once upon a time, I was. One of those that came here for uni and never left. I work for the SU now, in the thrilling sector of student services...’

The rest of the conversation faded out, because suddenly, as if struck by lightning, Neji knew how he knew that name. At the bottom of every email about room booking: _Kakashi Hatake, Student Services._

‘Neji, you look full of the joys of spring!’ Lee said, coming up behind him and throwing an arm around his shoulder. ‘Was it the invigorating run through nature’s beauty that did it?’

‘Lee,’ Neji said, sincerely, swinging his arm over Lee’s. ‘I thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing me to orienteering.’

Lee looked back, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears. ‘The least I can do for my eternal rival!’

_Wednesday, Week 5_

Neji had a Plan. It was, he was willing to admit, an Unorthodox Plan. This evening really did prove that you could choose your own fate, because the idea of him voluntarily hosting a large, potentially messy house party for a middle-aged, more boisterous version of Lee was decidedly unnatural.

Tenten had thought the whole idea was stupid, and had had no qualms telling him so.

‘Let me get this straight,’ she had said, putting a hand on her hip. ‘Your master plan is to host the orienteering social at _our house_ , get Kakashi absolutely slaughtered and persuade him to email Deidara and tell him to go fuck himself?’

‘The email would be civil,’ Neji protested. Tenten looked at him sceptically. He held up his hands, and admitted: ‘But essentially - yes.’

‘It’s a stupid plan,’ she said bluntly. ‘There must be an easier way to do this.’

‘No! I have to be certain! If Deidara gets an official rejection, he won’t try to fight it! And there’ll be, what, seven people there at most?’

Tenten sighed. ‘Well, if you’re sure…’

‘Neji,’ Guy said, with watery eyes. ‘It is too kind of you to allow us to hold our orienteering social here.’

‘I’m only too happy to contribute to the’ – how might Lee put it? – ‘strong, _youthful_ bonding that we must definitely experience to, uh, reach our full potential in reading maps and, um, running down hills.’

‘So you understand,’ Guy sighed, tears actually starting to flow. ‘Of course you do! You are one of Lee’s closest friends!’ Neji was rather touched.

‘Yes, we’re great friends. And eternal rivals. And, err, speaking of eternal rivals…’ Neji said, faux-casually. ‘What time will Kakashi be here?’

‘He said eight, but he’s always late. So…’ Guy considered. ‘I’d say quarter past nine?’

Neji heard the front door open, and he excused himself to go and check who it was, as if it might be Kakashi, arriving an unprecedented two hours earlier than estimated. It wasn’t, of course.

‘Hey Neji,’ Tenten said, hanging up her bag and coat. ‘Good day?’

‘Yep,’ Neji said nonchalantly. ‘How was calligraphy?’

‘It was great!’ she said, walking into the kitchen, Neji following. ‘Really great turn out, Mei and Chunhua did a presentation about the cheongsam and nothing…’ She trailed off her gaze fell on the table. ‘Is all this for _seven people_?’ she asked suspiciously, surveying the many, many bottles of alcohol littered across he kitchen table.

‘Maybe a few more…’ Neji said. She raised an eyebrow, and he started to explain: ‘Okay, so there’s the orienteering people, obviously, - so Guy and Kakashi – and I couldn’t not invite Hinata, you know I’m afraid she’ll never be socialised!’ Tenten smirked, and Neji averted his gaze and continued. ‘And she’s bringing her weird flatmates. Lee invited Sakura Haruno.’ Tenten snorted at this, and Neji silently echoed the sentiment; Lee’s hopeless crush on said pink-haired medical student was a bit of a running joke. ‘And she was with Ino at the time, so she’s coming too, and then Sakura invited Naruto… And then Naruto invited – err – Shikamaru, Chouji, Sai, Sasuke, Gaara - ’

‘ _He’s_ not coming, is he?’

Neji thought of Gaara’s heavy eyeliner, homicidal vibes and the fact that the psycho apparently carried around a massive jar of sand everywhere he went. ‘God, I hope not.’

Tenten sniggered. ‘I can’t believe you were so anal about living in a nice, quiet, non-student area, and now that you’re bored, you’ve gone and invited literally _everyone you know to our house at the same time_.’

‘This is strictly business,’ Neji said, horrified that Tenten seemed to be suggesting that this was merely a poorly concealed attempt to have some kind of wild party. ‘I won’t even drink, okay? I need to be operating at maximum capacity.’

The front door rang at half seven on the dot. Naturally it was Hinata, flanked by her two friends.

‘Hi, Neji,’ She kissed him on the cheek, as her hands were too full for the customary hug, clutching two bottled of sake like they were twin babies. ‘Kurenai sent these to me earlier this week.’

‘Thank her on my behalf,’ Neji said, taking the bottles and handing them to Tenten for safekeeping.

‘And these are my floor mates. Um, I don’t think you’ve met Shino yet?’ She gestured to the guy on her left. Neji looked at him properly for the first time, and was struck by the thought _why the fuck is he wearing sunglasses when it’s dark outside_? ‘And Kiba.’

Kiba grinned at him. ‘Nice to meet you again.’ Oh right, Kiba had walked into one of their family dinners. Neji had thought him scruffy then, but had given him the benefit of the doubt, he was in his home. Hell, Neji himself sometimes lowered himself to answering the door in his dressing gown. However, apparently Kiba dressed like that _all the time._ Neji nodded his greeting.

‘And you haven’t met Akamaru!’

‘Who - ’ Neji’s exclamation was cut short by a shaggy white dog darting forward and licking his hand. It needed a good bath. It sort of resembled its owner.

‘Nice to meet you all,’ Neji said. ‘ _Do_ come in.’

The next person to arrive was Sakura (Tenten kept hold of the back of Lee’s jumpsuit so he couldn’t embarrass himself). Ino was with her. Although Neji had met her before once or twice, this time he was immediately struck with a sense of _déja vu_. He was certain that she reminded him of someone, if only he could remember who it was….

Then came Naruto and Sasuke. Neji rolled his eyes as the usual routine began; as soon as Sasuke stepped into the living room, every woman – just as they had done when Neji was at school with him – turned towards him and sighed, just a little. Hinata was the exception and normally Neji would be proud, but she was making eyes at Naruto instead which was arguably worse. Even _Tenten_ , usually his partner in crime against the strange and inexplicable (Lee), was ‘casually’ unpinning her everyday buns and letting her hair fall loose to the middle of her back. _Where’s the attraction,_ Neji thought, watching helplessly, _he can barely string a sentence together!_

‘Sasuke, it feels like forever since I’ve seen you!’ Sakura said, running up to him and hugging him. ‘How have you been?’

And as if to prove Neji’s point, all Sasuke said in reply was: ‘Hm. Fine.’

Maybe there was something about the Uchiha genetic makeup that made them irresistible to women; the girls at tai chi had similar reactions to Itachi (although he had the dark good looks _and_ the ability to speak in entire sentences).

Sai came next, practically wearing the same outfit as Ino, and immediately greeted Naruto as ‘Dickless’, which Neji thought was rather good. Last to arrive were Shikamaru and Chouji (no surprises there), bearing jam doughnuts.

‘Everyone’s here!’ Guy boomed, accompanied by the opening strains of Doja Cat’s ‘Say so’. ‘Let’s make the most of the springtime of life and make merry!’ Despite Guy sounding like an Elizabethan town crier, everyone – bar Neji, Sasuke and Shikamaru – cheered at this, and as Guy decreed, The Party Started.

Cold ones were cracked open. Naruto pondered whether pouring vodka into instant ramen broth was a good idea (Sakura smacked him over the back of the head and Tenten told him to go and retrieve the lemonade from the kitchen.) Sasuke pulled a fucking hip flask out from his blazer. Neji primly sipped his bottled green tea.

‘Does anyone have a bottle opener?’ Ino asked, waving her Peroni.

‘Here’s one!’ Naruto said, walking into the room, lemonade tucked under his arm, grinning, and he did indeed have a bottle opener in hand, a rather distinctive one shaped like Bruce Lee.

Tenten went white. ‘Where did you get that?’

Naruto laughed breezily, and stuck an arm behind his head. ‘It was just chilling on the stairs!’

Tenten and Lee exchanged panicked glances. ‘Lee, I think that’s the one we put - ’

The chilling crack of splintering wood was followed by – thud! – thud! – thud! – thud! – crash! Naruto froze. Everyone gaped in the direction of the doorway behind him.

‘ – under the hand rail,’ Tenten finished faintly.

And that was when Neji made the decision that night to start drinking, to hell with the plan.


	3. in vino veritas

Kakashi finally arrived at ten past nine, by which time Neji was on his way to being more than a little tipsy. At some point, some nefarious person had suggested they play ‘Never have I ever’. The game started off fairly benignly, with normal(ish) questions like ‘Never have I ever been arrested’, ‘Never have I ever read porn on public transport’ and ‘Never have I ever turned down a challenge from my rival!’ (to which Neji drank immediately). However, it soon it devolved into a battle of who could expose their friends in the most embarrassing way possible.

‘Let’s see…’ Kiba said, twirling an imaginary moustache. ‘Never have I ever put my phone in the microwave to ‘charge’ it.’

There was a brief silence, during which Neji thought _surely no one would be silly enough…._

‘Unfair, Kiba!’ Naruto ( _of course, who else_ ) burst out, jumping to his feet. ‘I only did that because _that_ bastard - ’ –he jabbed a finger angrily at Sasuke – ‘ – told me it would work!’ He took a defiant sip from his glass, before muttering: ‘And anyway, I was like fourteen.’

Sasuke rolled his eyes. ‘Idiot. I didn’t think you’d actually _believe_ me.’

Neji’s enjoyment of this was immediately dampened by Tenten declaring that _she’d_ never learnt k-pop dances in her room by herself, followed by a significant look at Neji. He sighed, glared at her and took a sip of sake. That was Top Secret, and something Tenten had only discovered by accident when she had walked in on him trying to forget about a particularly stressful group project by performing a nice bit of Red Velvet. _I_ t seemed vengeance was in order, so Neji immediately retaliated with ‘Never have I ever set fire to spaghetti while trying to cook it.’ Much to his shock, Kakashi, Ino, Naruto and Kiba drank as well as Tenten. Neji decided that it was impossible to underestimate these people.

Naruto’s eye glinted as he prepared to go next. ‘Never have I ever worn a fursuit.’ No one drank. Naruto’s eyes narrowed. ‘Don’t try to hide, Kiba!’ he said. ‘We all saw you that night the fire alarm went off!’

Kiba spluttered. ‘That’s – that’s not a fursuit! Those are my pyjamas!’

‘Really?’ Sakura said disbelievingly. ‘You go to bed dressed like a dog?’

‘It had a face, did it not?’ said Shino, startling everyone ( _so he CAN talk?_ ) and making poor Kiba whip round to face him in horror.

‘ _Have none of you ever seen a fucking onesie_?’ Kiba exploded. ‘It was a present from my sister!’

‘How cute,’ Ino cooed, smirking, while Naruto just said ‘Sure, Jan,’ while looking very pleased with himself.

Next was Sasuke. ‘Hn,’ he said, seemed to consider for a while and then: ‘Pass.’ _Of course he would say that. And people said Neji didn’t know how to have fun. Sasuke probably didn’t even have the capacity because the Uchiha genes had evolved in such a way to remove such a healthy, normal function._

Naruto elbowed him. ‘Too good for this, are you?’ Neji – who was perhaps a teeny bit more uninhibited than usual – sarcastically toasted to this. Tenten slapped a hand over his mouth to stop him from saying anything he might regret.

Sasuke just scoffed. ‘Drop it Naruto. Who’s next?’

Next was Hinata, but as Neji looked at her, he noticed she looked… different. Her entire face was flushed and an uncharacteristic look of hard-edged determination was coming over her normally soft features. ‘Never have I ever…’ She scrunched her face up adorably, seemed to come to a resolution and continued. ‘Participated in N-Naruto’s cousin’s vampire fetish in the university library!’

 _What._ Neji was trying to compute the word ‘fetish’ coming from his sweet cousin’s lips, so he was barely aware of the chorus of murmurs that had broken out around him.

‘There’s too much to unpack in that one…’ Tenten muttered to him and Lee. ‘ _What the fuck_.’

‘Mr Guy, is that - ’

‘Now, Lee, we don’t kink-shame. If someone wants to enjoy intimate relations with vampires, and they’re not harming other living beings, well, that’s yet another manifestation of passionate youth!‘

‘Exactly, even if Sasuke’s choice of venue was a little unorthodox - ’

‘Sasuke’s?!’

'I’m too old for this…’

The pandemonium grew louder.

‘The Sauce strikes again!’

‘I saw that on Snapchat!’

‘I hate you all,’ Sasuke announced, scowling at them all from under his fringe, before taking a decisive sip from his pretentious little hip flask.

Naruto and Sakura were staring at him, their jaws practically on the floor.

‘You bit? My cousin?’ Naruto blurted. ‘You don’t mean - ’

‘Karin?’ Sakura screeched.

Sasuke merely averted his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. Luckily, some other generous soul (Ino) blithely confirmed that, yes, Sasuke and one Karin Uzumaki had had some sort of encounter in a library bathroom. And Ino had happened be standing outside this bathroom. And remained there for several minutes to listen in, and put it on Snapchat. Where Hinata (and others) had seen it. _Okay..._ Neji’s eyebrow twitched.

‘Right, right, let’s move on,’ Kakashi interjected, although it was half-hearted and he sounded like he was enjoying himself immensely. ‘Shikamaru?’

‘Okay…’ Shikamaru said, before dragging himself up from the beanbag with a groan. ‘Never have I ever matched with my genomics lecturer on Tinder.’

There was a dramatic silence. _Who would be thirsty enough to -_

‘Come on Sasuke!’ Kiba hollered and Sasuke rolled his eyes and gulped down another half of his drink. Neji’s eyebrows shot up. _Okay, apparently Sasuke._

‘What?’ Naruto yelled again. ‘How do I not know any of this this stuff? Who was it?’

The intense glare that Sasuke threw at Kiba, coupled with a slight shake of the head might have deterred a lesser man, but Kiba gleefully ignored it. ‘Orochimaru!’

Naruto threw up his hands. ‘Oh come on!’

‘Fuck’s sake, Sasuke!’

‘The one who looks and sounds like a serial killer?’

‘The one who accessorises with live snakes?’

‘The one who once asked Itachi - ’ Ino was interrupted by Kakashi shoving a jam doughnut into her mouth, effectively nipping that revelation in the bud. _Thank God._ Sasuke frowned and leaned forward, looking like he wanted to investigate further, but Chouji jumped in.

‘Ok, I’m up! Hmm… Never have I ever claimed while drunk that I have ‘special eyes’ due to my ‘superior bloodline’.’

Sasuke didn’t even bother with resistance this time and just knocked his drink back straight away. Meanwhile, Neji sat perfectly still and hoped that Tenten and Lee would keep their mouths shut.

No such luck. ‘Um, Neji, may I remind you of Spring Ball last year?’

‘What a night!’ Lee said, with a hearty chuckle. ‘It was quite a task to stop you from using your ‘magic eyes’ to try and walk through walls, but I always appreciate a challenge!’

Everyone stared at Neji. He tried to keep his face absolutely still, but in his inebriated state, his traitorous left eyebrow twitched. ‘Alright,’ he conceded, and downed his drink.

‘I’m going in,’ Neji slurred to Tenten and Lee. ‘Lee, you and Guy are pretty close, so back me up, okay?’

Lee, who had been avoiding alcohol up until about ten minutes ago, when he had caught a whiff of whatever was in Sasuke’s flask, was starting to lose control of his limbs in a way Neji and Tenten had become well acquainted with on previous nights out. He saluted clumsily.

He and Lee began to edge closer to Kakashi and Guy, who were having a fairly heated conversation.

‘Kakashi, you’re too cool!’ Guy was saying. ‘I can’t handle it! Why - Neji!’ Guy exclaimed, turning to the student and greeting him with a slap on the back that almost propelled him into the coffee table. ‘How are you lad?’ He noticed the slightly glazed look in Neji’s eyes. ‘To be honest, you don’t look as carefree as you should in the peak of your YOUTH. Is something wrong?’

Neji heaved a sigh and placed his hand over his heart. _Too dramatic,_ he could see Tenten mouthing at him from the corner of his eye, furiously shaking her head, _tone it down!_ He removed his hand. ‘Oh, nothing. Well, nothing I won’t be able to handle anyway.’

Guy laid a hand on his shoulder. ‘Now, Neji. A problem shared is a problem halved.’

‘But it’s not important – yes, okay. Did Lee tell you I’m president of tai chi club this year?’ Neji asked innocently.

‘Indeed he did!’ Guy said. ‘And I fully approve! Exercise is an great way to achieve excellence in all areas of life! Self-discipline! Diligence! Self-esteem! Manly handsomeness!’ He and Lee both wiped away a single tear.

‘And all that is now at stake,’ Neji said seriously.

Lee leant around him. ‘No!’

Neji looked back. ‘ _Yes,_ ’ he said with equal vehemence. ‘You see, there’s this Deidara - ’

‘Deidara?’ Sasuke asked, turning away from his conversation with Sakura. ‘Blonde and irritating? Obsessed with art? Wears a lot of fishnet?’

‘Yes!’ Neji exclaimed, pleased to have found someone who seemed to dislike Evil Michelangelo as much as he did, even if that person was Sasuke Uchiha. ‘So you know him then?’

Sasuke snorted. ‘Wouldn’t say I know him, but he accosted me in the Student Union last week and started yelling some stuff about my brother and how he doesn’t respect performance art. Then he threw a tiny clay pigeon at me.’

‘That’s definitely him. Anyway, he has stolen the Senju Room from me on the only evening my whole exec can make it to. Even though he’s free on other days.’

‘Heinous!’ Lee shouted. ‘Can you imagine the state of his spirit, Mr Guy, to try to obstruct the _powers of youth_ in this manner?’

‘No!’ Guy roared, eyes burning. ‘That does sound terribly misguided. Yo, Kakashi,’ he said, nudging the man next to him. ‘You deal with this sort of thing, don’t you?’

Kakashi nodded. ‘I do.’

‘Then, rival mine, what are you waiting for?’ Guy bellowed. ‘Help this poor youngster to live his youth to the fullest and tell this passionate artist to pick a different day!’ He struck a dramatic pose, one leg up on the sofa, an arm pointed into the air, while Neji applauded and took a long celebratory drink. Lee swayed dangerously, steadied himself on Neji’s shoulder and burst into happy tears.

The next morning, Neji found himself on the floor of Hinata's dorm room.

Hinata was lying on the bed, her soft smoky eye-makeup from the previous night smudged as she slept open-mouthed. _So cute._ Sakura was curled up on the beanbag, enveloped in blankets, with only her bright pink hair poking out, while Lee snored from where he was slumped over on the desk.

‘Oh you’re awake,’ Tenten said, coming in and shutting the door quietly. ‘How are you feeling?’

Neji frowned. His mouth was dry and his headache, and his throat…burned? ‘Did I drink neat absinthe or something? My throat is killing me.’

Tenten giggled. ‘Ah… Well, no, you didn’t do that. After we left the club, we bought pizza on the way back, but you kept complaining that you didn’t want any. So Lee offered to make you a curry - ’

Neji could see where this was going. ‘Oh dear.’

‘And, you know, Lee’s cooking is always…’ Oh Neji knew. ‘And he was drunk, so he was a bit… jerky, and he emptied most of a bottle of chilli flakes into it. And, uh, when you tried it, you turned bright red and passed out. I think Lee thought he’d killed you.’

‘I think he got halfway there.’ Neji said ruefully. ‘Did anything else happen? Is Hinata okay?’

Tenten grinned. ‘As you can see, she’s fine, Neji. She had two doubles and bounced up and down in the club for two hours, it was adorable. And, hmm… Shikamaru got with Gaara’s sister for like, the fourth time, Naruto dropped pizza cheese-down onto the road and ate it anyway, and the DJ played the _Frozen_ song over the beat of _Titanium_.’ She shuddered. ‘Oh, and Sasuke disappeared halfway through with this red-head, we think he brought her back here.’

Neji snorted. ‘Was it Karin Uzumaki? Did she ask him to suck her blood?’

Tenten sniggered, but shook her head. ‘No, it wasn’t Karin. I’ve never seen this girl before. So,’ she said, addressing Neji, ‘it was worth it, right?’

‘Well, I didn’t want to know that apparently Sasuke is a sexual deviant, but, yes,’ Neji said, with a small smile. ‘It was a great success. I got the room, no one died or was grievously injured and hopefully we’ll still get our security deposit back!’ Tenten held out her hand for a high-five, and Neji was about to take her up on it when Kiba ran in like he was being chased and slammed the door behind him. Hinata shot upwards with a squeak, while Lee shifted slightly and let out a louder snore.

‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing!’ Sakura growled at Kiba, emerging from her pile of blankets menacingly and reaching for her slippers. ‘It’s too early for this shit!’

‘Sasuke slept with my Mountain Landscapes lecturer,’ Kiba wheezed, panting while edging out of Sakura’s reach. ‘She is _in our kitchen_ right now.’

‘What?!’

Neji shrugged. ‘I mean…given his track record, it’s not that surprising. I guess he’s just attracted to power.’

Kiba shook his head. ‘With Mei Terumi, there’s probably more to it than just, err, power, you get me?’

A pause. ‘Come on!’ Sakura said, scrambling up, grabbing Tenten by the sleeve and pulling her out the door. ‘We can still catch them if we go now!’

Kiba and Hinata exchanged looks and followed. Lee was blinking awake in the chaos, so Neji grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him along with them. They hurried along the hallway and skidded to a halt in front of the kitchen’s open door, all with bated breath.

Sasuke turned around, to be confronted with six faces, all staring intently at him and breathing heavily. He gave them an odd look before pouring a cup of hot water from the kettle. Then he stepped aside, revealing a very striking woman. Mei Terumi was tall and voluptuous, with auburn hair that reached down to her thighs and was clad in one of Sasuke’s Konoha University Tennis Team sweaters. She smiled at Sasuke as he handed her the mug, and then turned to face her curious audience.

It suddenly occurred to Neji how odd it seemed that six people would arrive to breakfast in a big group, out of breath, and then proceed to just stand at the door and say nothing.

‘D-Don’t we love communal breakfast?’ Sakura said, laughing nervously, apparently having the same thought as Neji. ‘Hinata, do we have any bread left?’

‘N-No, Sakura,’ Hinata said, hurriedly looking in the nearest drawers to her, which happened to contain nothing but cutlery. ‘It looks like we’ve – we’ve run out again.’

‘Well Sasuke,’ the woman said in a low, rich voice, drawing all attention back to her. ‘I better get going soon, so I’ll take the coffee back to your room and get dressed.’

‘Hn.’

Mei began to walk out, but she stopped at the door. She turned the full force of her sultry smile and heavy-lidded eyes on Neji, who felt like he’d been pinned with a knife to the wall behind him, and then turned to Kiba, and then to Lee. ‘A shame,’ she drawled, ‘that I must leave before getting to know any more of you strong young men.’

Then she walked out, leaving many dropped jaws in her wake.

And then the fire alarm went off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVhfThNi9e4 - re: what orochimaru asked itachi


	4. of cults and cousins

_Week 8, Monday_

A few weeks later, as he crouched behind a tombstone in the local churchyard at two in the morning, in sub-zero temperatures, Neji decided that he had reached a new low. Worse still, it hadn’t even been Lee’s idea to do this. No, this time it was _Tenten’s_ turn to suggest some ridiculous group activity. _Maybe I’m next_ , Neji thought hysterically, _maybe Lee’s insanity is contagious_. Lee had actually had the good sense to decline on this particular occasion, apologising profusely but saying he urgently needed to spend the evening in the library. So it was just Neji and Tenten.

‘I’ll just sit here and read,’ Neji said, gesturing to the wall at the front of the graveyard, the only place with enough light to see his volume of Nietzsche.

Tenten shrugged. ‘Suit yourself. But if you miss any once-in-a-century ghost sightings, that’s on you.’

‘Oh, perish the thought!’ Neji said dryly, sitting on the wall, making himself comfortable and flipping to his place in the book. ‘No, I’d love to help, but I have four summatives due over the next two weeks and I’ve barely started.’

She winced sympathetically. ‘Yikes. Thanks for coming at all then.’

‘I couldn’t let you do that to yourself,’ Neji said, straight-faced. ‘The only thing sadder than ghost hunting is ghost hunting _by yourself_.’

Tenten smacked him lightly on the shoulder, but she was smiling to herself as she started shining her torch over the gravestones, occasionally brushing off the odd bit of dirt.

However, despite it being two in the morning, people kept passing on the road by the church and _seeing_ him – people that Neji absolutely did NOT want to see.

‘Lovely night for a bit of Nietzsche in a graveyard!’ a drunk Kiba had yelled at him before being dragged away by Shikamaru.

Sasuke had just looked him up and down, smirked and said ‘Hn’ before slouching off. _How dare he,_ Neji fumed, _if there’s anyone who would voluntarily sit in a graveyard in the middle of the night, it’s him!_

Still Neji soldiered on.

But the final straw was the approach of an inebriated Karin Uzumaki, staggering towards him with a gleam in her eye. The memory of Hinata saying ‘N-Naruto’s cousin’s vampire fetish!’ suddenly rang very clear in his mind and he practically catapulted himself off the wall and retreated behind a tombstone.

Even if it was preferable to being sexually harassed by one of Naruto’s relatives, having to turn the pages of his book with one hand while holding his phone as a flashlight in the other was a thankless task. He sighed and looked around. ‘Tenten, how long is this going to -’

‘Sssh!’ she hissed, appearing behind him without warning. ‘Lights off, Neji!’

‘What the - ’

‘Do it! Now!’

Neji turned the flashlight off and put his phone in his pocket. ‘What is it?’ he asked. ‘Did you find a ghost?’

He had been joking, but he saw Tenten’s wide eyes, and followed her gaze over to the church. The door to the porch was opening slowly, silently. Tenten inhaled sharply and grabbed his shoulder and even Neji couldn’t help but feel slightly on edge.

‘It’s probably the vicar,’ he whispered to Tenten, patting her hand.

‘At this time?’ she whispered back. ‘Not likely.’

And she was right, unless the vicar had joined the mafia and offered his church as a place for their rendezvous. Several figures were emerging from the church, about a dozen of them, all wearing long black coats.

‘Oh fuck,’ Tenten said, her voice trembling.

Neji was mentally calculating; even though he and Tenten could both hold their own in a fight, two against twelve did not seem like good odds. He looked around, trying to calculate an escape route.

However, a voice from one of the figures broke through his thoughts: ‘Hidan, what do you think you’re doing?’

Another replied: ‘Taking this fucking _cloak_ off!’

‘No, you’re not. Put it back on.’

‘They make us look like a bunch of nonces. Why do we have to wear this shit anyway?’

‘Because The Akatsuki is a _secret_ organisation! No one’s meant to know who’s in it.’

‘Yeah, because dressing like bats and walking around in a group of twelve never draws attention.’

A muffled snort escaped another one of the other members.

‘Hidan.’ This time it was a woman’s voice, calm and cool. ‘Listen to Pain. Or I’ll make you Kakuzu’s Vice Treasurer next term.’

A scoff. ‘Okay, okay, the cloak’s back on. Anything but sitting with Kakuzu as he jerks off to grant funding applications.’

‘At least I don’t get off to plucking out my own pubic hair with tweezers.’

‘What the fuck, Hidan?’

‘I hope you don’t use my tweezers for that, yeah.’ Neji frowned. He recognised that voice.

‘Don’t worry Blondie, he uses Sasori’s.’ _Blondie… Oh God, it’s Deidara. Well, this ‘Akatsuki’ is clearly full of questionable characters, so he probably fits right in._

‘Eat a dick, Kisame!’ Hidan snapped.

‘I’ll kill you.’

‘Sasori, it’s not true!’ Hidan pleaded. ‘Kisame’s talking shit! Of course I use my own fucking tweezers!’

‘So you admit that you - ’

‘Pain, can we finish this meeting?’ a new voice cut in. Neji didn’t have to hesitate to identify who it was. ‘I have quite a bad migraine.’ Itachi Uchiha, Sasuke’s older brother. Neji saw him weekly at tai chi. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who would associate voluntarily with the likes of Hidan and Deidara (especially the latter, who openly despised him), but clearly he had hidden depths. _Well, perhaps they shouldn’t be called ‘depths’… More like masochistic tendencies._

‘Yes,’ Pain said, sounding himself like a lie-down in a dark room might be beneficial. ‘You’re all dismissed. Same time next week.’

The group dispersed, and Tenten breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Well, that was a wild ride,’ she said when they had all gone. ‘Have you heard of that group – what did they call themselves?’

‘The Akatsuki,’ Neji said. ‘Not by name, but there are always rumours of these university secret societies, you know, Bullingdon Club kind of thing.’

Tenten shuddered. ‘Yikes. Well that’s enough excitement for me, I think seeing a ghost might finish me off. Shall we - ’

Neji shushed her, watching another dark figure approach from the path that lead out of the woods towards the road, although this time not clad in the long coat of the Akatsuki members. Instead, what made this silhouette distinct was the large, long, rounded thing strapped to the figure’s back. It could’ve be an instrument, a cello maybe? But as the figure passed through the graveyard and came to the road, the glow of the streetlight revealed that it was in fact a gourd shaped like a figure of eight. Coupled with the red hair and the fact that this person was recreationally wandering the dark woods behind the church like some kind of serial killer, it could be none other than Gaara. _Who might well be a serial killer_. Tenten inhaled sharply, and Neji knew she’d realised who it was as well. When Gaara was out of sight, they both looked at each other and silently agreed to get out of there as quickly as possible before someone sacrificed a goat or started pissing on the church or rose from the grave (if they hadn’t already done so that evening).

Neji woke up at midday, on the sofa with a headache and immediately thought _I’m an idiot._ Instead of going to bed when he got back from the graveyard the previous night, ready to wake up early for a long day of working on his summatives, Neji had sat in the living room and had a few beers with Tenten while she attempted to use her tarot deck to discover the reason for the existence of the Akatsuki. The best she had managed to come up with was that it was a group for people who had already died once, and now were back. _From now on,_ Neji resolved, _I will concentrate on my summatives._ No more scheming, running down hills, hanging out in graveyards or partying. _Strictly business._

He checked his phone. There was a message from Hinata:

_Hey Neji! We’re having a corridor party this Wednesday bc it’s almost the end of term, and it would mean the world to me if you came! (_ _ꈍ .̮_ _ꈍ) Feel free to bring Lee and 1010 – dress theme is ‘80s! Hope to see you there xxx_

_My summatives! My grades!_ he sobbed internally, but those thoughts evaporated almost immediately. Of course he had to go. Hinata had said she wanted him there, and anyway, someone needed to look out for her at these things, and he didn’t trust any of her friends to. Or his friends, for that matter. He sent his response:

_I’ve got a load of work to do atm, but Lee and Tenten are interested in going, so I’ll probably come with them. What time does it start?_

‘Hey,’ Tenten said, coming in and sitting beside him. ‘Have you heard from Lee at all? I’ve checked his room, he still isn’t back from the library.’ His room had been empty when they had returned last night.

Neji checked his notifications. ‘No, nothing,’ he frowned. ‘How odd. He probably fell asleep there, or crashed at Naruto’s.’

‘Maybe,’ Tenten said, and sighed. ‘I’ll give it another few hours before I start properly freaking out. Do you want to join me for lunch? I made steamed egg.’

‘That would be great, thank you. Err, also, Tenten; are you and Lee free on Wednesday evening?’

Tenten raised an eyebrow. ‘What for?’

‘… Party at Hinata’s.’

‘I thought you were concentrating on your summatives from now on!’

‘She said it would _mean the world to her_ if I came! And I need to make sure - ’

‘ – no one deflowers her, yes, yes, ever the protective older cousin.’ She sighed and leaned back against the sofa. ‘But if you’re bent on going, then sure, I don’t have anything on. And I don’t think Lee mentioned anything either.’

‘You’re a saint,’ Neji said earnestly.

She smiled and got up. ‘I really am.’

When she had gone, Neji checked his phone again. Hinata had replied:

_It starts at 8 but you can meet us at Amaterasu (new club near St. Dan’s) if you need more time to study! We’ll aim to get there for around half eleven_ _☆ﾐ(o*_ _･ω･)_ _ﾉ_ _aaah I’m so glad you’re coming, it’ll be so much fun!!_ _☆_ _*:._ _｡_ _.o(_ _≧▽≦_ _)o._ _｡_ _.:*_ _☆_ _xx_

Lee turned up half an hour later, looking very sweaty and disheveled, while the others were having lunch. Apparently he had woken up at the library at seven and challenged himself to do 500 laps around the cricket pitch and 500 one-armed push-ups as punishment for falling asleep. _Classic._

_Week 8, Wednesday_

‘How do I look?’ Neji asked, peering at his reflection in the door to Hinata’s college.

Tenten had taken charge of costumes. She had decided to take advantage of Neji’s bountiful hair, and styled him as a member of a glam rock band. She teased his glorious locks until they stood around his face like he’d been electrified (as soon as she had started furiously backcombing, he silently promised his hair that he’d deep condition it the next day) and forced him into leather trousers (apparently borrowed from Kakashi). This was all topped off with lots of black eyeliner. Lee’s normal attire was already basically that of an ‘80s fitness instructor, so all Tenten had done was cut up a spare pair of his orange legwarmers to make him a sweatband and some wristbands. She herself was dressed as Freddie Mercury, complete with a large false moustache.

‘You look very manly and handsome!’ Lee said. ‘Perhaps consider in investing in your own leather trousers?’

‘Don’t fish, Neji,’ Tenten replied before he could respond to Lee, rolling her eyes and pushing the door open.

The party was in Hinata’s room, which was the largest on the corridor, plus she had her own bathroom. When she answered her door, Neji almost bit through his tongue.

‘Oh, I’m so happy you came to the pres, even though you’ve got so much work!’ she said happily, going to hug him but wobbling adorably in the thigh-high boots she was wearing, laced up to her thighs. He steadied her, holding her elbow.

‘Oh, yeah, well,’ he mumbled. ‘Lee and Tenten were _really_ excited about it.’

Tenten arched an eyebrow. ‘Oh yeah, just _buzzing_.’

‘There’s nothing more youthful than a good night on the tiles!’ Lee added, with a weak chuckle.

Hinata smiled beatifically. ‘I suppose so! That’s very sweet, Neji.’

A pause.

‘Did you borrow the, uh, crop top from Ino?’ Neji asked, just for something to say.

‘Nope, not mine!’ Ino said cheerfully, coming up behind Hinata and laying her chin on her shoulder. ‘Sai left it at my place when he stayed over.’

 _Ino and Sai are - involved?_ Neji shrugged it off. Weirder things had happened. Like the Akatsuki’s whole existence. And his shy, modest cousin’s sudden transformation into Madonna.

‘Hey!’ Sakura said, squeezing past Ino and Hinata and hugging Tenten. ‘Hi Neji, Lee.’

Neji nodded his greetings and turned warily to Lee, lest he start blowing kisses at her or proposing marriage or something. But to everyone’s shock, he just beamed and said ‘Sakura! Hello! Great to see you!’ Which was a perfectly standard greeting, by Lee’s standards.

‘Err, yeah,’ Sakura said, wide-eyed. ‘Great to see you too.’

‘Lee, what gives?’ Tenten asked, as they found a place to sit on Hinata’s floor. ‘Have you changed your strategy to take Sakura out?’

‘Ah, no!’ Lee replied. ‘Sakura is truly a beguiling and intelligent woman, but I am no longer enamoured of her and desire nothing more than her friendship!’ Neji and Tenten exchanged glances. _After a year and a half of fruitless attempts to make Sakura see him as a potential boyfriend, has he finally gotten over his crush on her?_ Neji'd thought he’d never see the day, and even now, he had serious doubts. But then again, Neji had also never thought he’d see the day he’d see so much of Hinata’s shoulders, but –

Tenten nudged him. ‘Do you want a beer?’ He absently agreed, and noticed that Hinata and Naruto were sitting NEXT TO EACH OTHER.

‘Neji, it’s your go!’ Ino said, waving an empty bottle under his nose.

‘Hm?’

‘Your go,’ Tenten repeated. ‘We’re playing truth or dare. Spin the bottle and whoever it lands on, give them a truth or a dare.’ That sounded doable. He took the bottle, spun it and watched as it landed on Shino.

‘Tell him to tell the truth about who pissed in my wardrobe last Saturday!’ Kiba shouted.

‘You have a _dog_ in your room! Isn’t that a more plausible explanation?’ Shino said back, clearly exasperated.

‘Akamaru would never!’

‘And _I would_?’

‘Ooh, Neji!’ Ino said, leaning over to him, a welcome interruption. ‘Dare Shino to take off his sunglasses! He’s never done it!’

‘Sure. Shino, I dare you to take off your sunglasses.’

Shino frowned. ‘Alright then. If you could turn off the lights and put on a lamp or something dim.’ Neji wondered if this request was made out of some sort of strange diva-ish penchant for drama, but Shino clarified quickly: ‘My eyes are very sensitive to light, hence the sunglasses.’

‘Oh,’ Kiba said, sounding somewhat deflated. ‘We thought you were, like, hiding your identity or keeping bees in your eye sockets or something.’

Shino tilted his head to the side. ‘Why didn’t you just _ask_ me?’

‘… Didn’t really think of it.’

With the lights off and Hinata’s bedside lamp on, Shino removed his little round sunglasses.

‘Wow,’ Sakura breathed, in the hushed silence that followed. Neji, even in this absent, hazy state, could recognise that Shino had lovely eyes, delicately shaped, upwards tilting with thick eyelashes and a similar hazel colour to Tenten’s. Shino coughed in a slightly embarrassed way and replaced his sunglasses. When the lights came back on, it was Sakura’s turn to spin the bottle. When it landed on Hinata, Sakura smirked in a way that unnerved Neji.

‘I dare you,’ Sakura she said, leaning towards Hinata with a twinkle in her eye, ‘to kiss Naruto.’

 _What._ Neji started coughing and found that he couldn’t stop. Lee patted him on the back rather enthusiastically. ‘Sorry,’ Neji rasped, waving Lee off. ‘Could you repeat that?’

Sakura looked at him strangely. ‘I dared _Hinata_ to kiss Naruto.’

Neji lapsed into coughing again. ‘ _What_? _Why_?!’ he said, gasping for breath. ‘You don’t have to do that, Hinata!’ For the first time since the question had been asked, he turned to look despairingly at his cousin. Surprisingly, she hadn’t yet lost consciousness, but was merely blushing furiously.

‘N-No, Neji,’ she said, her voice barely wavering, despite the initial stutter. ‘It’s just a game. And if Naruto is happy to - ’

‘Oh, I am.’

Neji looked from Hinata to Naruto, horrified.

‘ – okay then,’ Hinata whispered.

Neji watched, helplessly, his heart beating in his throat, as Naruto turned to Hinata and drew his sweet, innocent cousin towards him with a gentle hand on her cheek and then softly pressed his mouth to hers. _Was that her first kiss? How long has she imagined this moment for?_ When the two broke apart, the kiss had probably lasted less than half a minute, but Neji felt like he’d just watched their two-hour wedding ceremony. He felt cold.

‘You okay?’ Tenten whispered to him, and he realised he was holding his breath.

He let it out quickly. ‘Yes, yes, fine,’ he croaked, aiming for flippancy and failing.

He was very much Not Fine, as he admitted to himself in Amaterasu.

Granted, being packed into what was essentially an an attic, with seemingly the entire student body and being forced to dance to Gunther and the Sunshine Girls was probably not the most conducive of environments for a Happy Neji, but it was more the sight of Hinata and Naruto leaning close to each other at the bar that was fuelling the strange, unpleasant cocktail of emotion Neji felt. He was standing in a circle of Tenten, Ino, Sai, Shikamaru and Chouji, with Lee in the middle, doing something that looked like Russian squat dance. Neji was doing his best to appear to be Bopping as if nothing was wrong, but thoughts and emotions were crashing through his mind, submerging him and almost overwhelming him.

 _Why am I so angry? Sad? Nauseous? Disappointed? I can’t tell. She’s only eighteen, but she’s not my daughter or anything… I have no say over who she dates. And even if I were her father, it wouldn’t be fair for me to deny my adult child a normal life experience! Yes, as someone who cares deeply for Hinata, I want the best for her, and Naruto probably isn’t the best, but he’s what she’s always wanted and I know he would treat her well and make her happy… Which is all I could wish for._ None of it did anything to alleviate the heaviness in his chest, and frustration began to build, a kind of restlessness that made him want to run out of the club, through the town and out into the surrounding countryside so he could scream himself hoarse in peace.

Kiba shoved his head between Shikamaru and Choji. ‘You guys want shots? My round!’ _Alcohol’s meant to numb you_ , Neji thought flatly, following the rest of the circle the bar, but Tenten caught him and Lee by their sleeves.

‘No more drinks for either of you,’ she said, not unkindly. ‘I think we should go home.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura: Aren’t Naruto and Hinata such a cute couple?
> 
> Neji: Well they’re certainly standing next to each other.
> 
> Soundtrack to Neji’s mental breakdown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp5sAUdgd-A


	5. ok google, i think i'm in love with my cousin

The scene that he was currently participating in was so bizarre that Neji genuinely felt like he was having an out of body experience.

He was sitting on the kitchen floor, dressed like a member of Pretty Boy Floyd, sandwiched between Lee and a female Freddie Mercury, sobbing. _Sobbing._ He hadn’t cried since his dad had died, seven years prior, but now, he felt like the years of pent-up emotion were spilling out of him uncontrollably. He was like a man gone mad. He couldn’t stop gulping and heaving, while streams of bitter tears crawled down his face.

‘Oh, Neji, Neji,’ Tenten said softly, stroking his hair as he leant against her shoulder. ‘Lee, put the kettle on.’

Lee did what he was told, without any proclamations of youth or the restorative powers of tea, which Neji was grateful for. When Lee presented him with a mug of tea that was at least a quarter milk – exactly how Neji liked it – he tried to calm his ragged breathing.

He took a sip. ‘Thank you.’

Lee, who was clearly concerned by Neji’s uncharacteristic outpour of emotion, and thus on his best behaviour, limited himself to patting Neji on the head. That was strangely soothing. Neji looked up at Tenten, who was gazing into the middle distance with glassy eyes, and then over to Lee, who also looked like he was holding back tears (granted, it was easier to make Lee cry than Tenten).

‘I just don’t understand it,’ Neji said, not expecting any response.

‘Understand what?’ Tenten asked gently.

Neji made a gesture, making the tea slosh dangerously in the mug. ‘ _This. Me. Tonight._ I don’t know what I’m feeling, or why I’m feeling it, and it disturbs me. I thought I was in tune with my emotions.’

Lee and Tenten glanced at each other.

‘… Did you?’ Tenten asked carefully.

Neji scowled at them both. ‘Stop it, both of you. I don’t _repress_ my emotions, I’m not a Uchiha. I just… examine and process them. From a distance.’ Another glance was exchanged. Neji decided to studiously ignore them. ‘But if I can’t even tell how or what I feel, how can I acknowledge or accept it?’

‘Neji, now might not be the best time to do this,’ Lee said, looking at him with concern.

‘Yes,’ Tenten agreed. ‘Why not in the morning, when you’ve sobered up a - ’

‘I’m not even that drunk,’ Neji cut in, ‘I’ve just had a shitty evening. I want to vent.’

‘Alright,’ Tenten said. ‘But you know you can always call this off and go to bed, whenever you feel like. Or we can run across the road and get you a pizza.’

‘Or I could make a curry!’

‘Have you felt like this all day?’ Tenten asked, determinedly avoiding the subject of Lee’s cooking. ‘Or just since the party?’

‘The latter.’

‘Were you just not in the mood to socialise? I know there are some… big personalities that are friends with your cousin.’

Neji flinched a bit, but said ‘No, I was excited. I wanted to go.’ He sighed. ‘It was when I saw Hinata, and she looked so… different. I didn’t like it. And then she sat next to Naruto, and she – she kissed him! This is all coming out of the blue, this is So. Unlike. Her.’

‘I think she might’ve had some help,’ Tenten said dryly. ‘From the alcohol, yeah, but I think Ino and Sakura psyched her up for it. Because they didn’t want to see her pine hopelessly any more.’

Neji hung his head. ‘I don’t understand… Hinata’s been obsessed with him for years – literally since she was about twelve – and I know I’ve become closer to her since then, but it’s never felt like this - ’

‘Because she never did more than just speak to him,’ Tenten said, bluntly but not unkindly. ‘It was easy to write it off as something that just wouldn’t happen.’

‘So it happened! Why did it piss me off so much?’

‘Piss you off? Are you angry?’

‘… Kind of.’

‘Why?’

Neji paused. ‘I can’t put it into words,’ he said, after a while.

‘Yes, you can!’ Lee said, gripping him by he shoulder and looking into his eyes with intensity. ‘Just – say whatever comes to mind.’

Neji took a deep breath to try to calm his racing heart. He slid his palms together.

Tenten took pity on him, and prompted him. ‘Are you angry that she didn’t ask for your permission?’

‘No! I’m not a complete fuckhead, I don’t feel like I _own_ her.’

‘Are you angry that it’s Naruto? What if it were someone more serious? Maybe Sasu-’ Neji glared at her. She cleared her throat. ‘Shikamaru? Or Shino?’

He let the image of Hinata kissing both of those men flash through his head and recoiled. ‘Yes, I would.’

‘Do you not want her to have any sort of love life at all?’

‘Like I said, I don’t feel entitled to have her!’

‘Entitled to _have_ her?’

Neji felt his insides contract as cold, paralysing realisation crept over him. The heaviness turned to pain, worse pain than when his cousin Tokuma had grabbed him by the neck and slammed a palm into his stomach during a spar, making Neji immediately vomit up his lunch. Neji pulled himself away from Tenten’s arms to press his forehead to the kitchen floor (then immediately remembered how disgusting it was and got up again). A sense of revulsion was creeping into his throat, tight and sour.

‘Calm down, Neji,’ Lee was saying, gripping him by the shoulders. ‘Breathe with me, in for four… hold for seven… out for eight, and again! In for four…’

Neji was gasping, but he no longer felt nauseous. ‘Oh God,’ he said quietly. ‘Fuck. I’m in love with my cousin. Fuck, I’m like one of those memes about people in Alabama.’

‘No, no,’ Tenten said soothingly. ‘There’s nothing morally wrong with this. It’s legal here!’

Neji gave her a helpless look. ‘I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but…’ He put his head in his hands. ‘How did this start? When did this start? And out of all my cousins, I fancy Hinata! What a disgusting creep….’

‘Neji, cut it out!’ Tenten said, lifting his hands away from his face. ‘Yes, Hinata is a bit of a shrinking violet and she’s very sweet-natured, but that doesn’t mean she’s _pure as the driven snow!_ ’ Neji stared at her.

‘Yes Neji!’ Lee chipped in. ‘In your youthful passion, you are romanticising the lovely Hinata as a delicate flower in need of protection, when in fact she is a complex human woman capable of profound ardour! Also, she smokes,’ Lee added as an afterthought.

Neji’s head whipped round. ‘Does she?!’ Then his eyes narrowed. ‘Wait. Is this what you and Tenten do when I’m not around? Psychoanalyse me?’

Tenten didn’t want to tell him that she and Lee had started to suspect this at the beginning of last year. ‘Sometimes?’

Neji sighed, and put his head on her shoulder. ‘Well, I suppose someone has to do it, if I refuse to look inwardly.’

‘Are you in less emotional pain now?’ Lee asked anxiously.

Neji closed his eyes. ‘In a way, I guess. But this has just opened a whole other can of worms… Hey, Lee?’

‘Yes, Neji?’

‘Do you feel like making a curry?’

‘What?!’ Tenten hissed at him. ‘Has finding out about Hinata made you go completely nuts?’

Neji shook his head. ‘I actually feel more clear-headed, if you can believe it. I just want to sleep and not think about any of this until the morning, and that curry will Knock Me Out.’

Lee grasped Neji’s hand. ‘I would be honoured to!’ he said, flashing his shiny grin at Neji. ‘You can watch me juggle the vegetables as I cook!’

_Week 8, Thursday_

Another morning, another instance of waking up hungover on the couch. _I’m an wannabe-incestuous failure half way to becoming an alcoholic,_ Neji thought glumly.

‘No, Neji! I will not allow you to disparage yourself like that! Don’t give up!’ Lee said, peering over him, and Neji realised he must have said his previous thought out loud.

Neji thought back to how his friends had cut their own night short to give him the support he had needed but never would’ve asked for. Both of them had been upset because he was upset. Despite his melancholy, Neji felt a twinge of warmth in his chest (or maybe that was heart-burn from Lee’s cooking). ‘Thanks, Lee. I won’t give up, I’ll make myself some breakfast and then go and write my essays.’

Lee gave him the patented ‘Nice Guy’ combo of a wink, thumbs up and a grin. ‘That’s the spirit!’ He pulled a bunch of lovely flowers from behind his back. ‘What do you think of my calla lilies? Are they not magnificent and beautiful?’

‘Yes, they’re lovely,’ Neji replied. ‘But wouldn’t cherry blossoms be more apt?’

Lee frowned. ‘What do you mean?’ Neji opened his mouth to say, _you know, Sakura means cherry blossom, and she dyes her hair pink, it’s kind of her thing,_ but Lee glanced at the time on his phone, yelped ‘Ah! Sorry Neji, I have to go!’ and ran off. _Maybe he was truly over Sakura…?_ No, it was impossible to imagine what other woman he would be interested in. Actually, Neji wasn’t sure what it had been exactly about Sakura, who seemed like a fairly normal girl (albeit one with a scary temper and a mean punch), that would attract someone as…idiosyncratic as Lee to her in the first place.

Someone knocked on the door. Neji groaned, and was about to drag himself up to answer it when he heard Tenten thundering down the stairs, shouting ‘I’ll get it! It’s the girls for brunch!’

Neji’s heart leapt into his throat. _The girls… Does that include Hinata? How can I look her in the face now that I’m conscious of my feelings for her?_

‘Morning, all!’ he heard Ino say.

‘Are you guys okay?’ That was Sakura. ‘I saw you leaving at, like, midnight.’

‘Yeah, just a bit tired, you know,’ Tenten replied. ‘Needed to conserve my energy for the pancakes!’

‘Absolute _legend_!’ Ino said, striding into the living room, followed by Sakura. She noticed Neji lying on the couch. ‘Oh, hey Neji!’ she said, sitting next to his feet. He nodded at her. ‘You know what, last night, on my way back from Amaterasu, I thought I was going crazy. Like the girl in _Black Swan._ Thought I was being followed by my evil doppelganger and I _freaked_. Shikamaru and Chouji had to hold both my arms to stop me from running off.’ She turned to Neji. ‘Turns out it was your Deidara, walking behind us, dressed like Al Pacino.’

It all fell into place, the strange feeling of recognition he’d had when he’d seen Ino at his party… She and Deidara looked uncannily alike, and this was only made worse by the fact they both wore their hair in the same style. ‘He is a spectre no one deserves to see on a dark night,’ Neji said gravely. ‘Did he throw any bird sculptures at you?’ Ino confirmed that thankfully, he did not.

‘And you’re sure the two of you aren’t related?’ Tenten asked, as she gathered the ingredients for the pancakes.

‘Not that I know of! But now I kinda want a DNA test. Might be a long lost brother.’

‘Ah, you pig,’ Sakura said fondly. ‘Trust you to share half your DNA the same guy that almost destroyed St. Peter’s college library, because he set fire to a mannequin _in the middle of the shelves._ ’

Tenten giggled. ‘Yeah, that sounds about right.’

Ino rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah, I set spaghetti on fire once, so what? It was _one_ time, and Tenten’s done it too!’

‘Oh, and Hinata sends her apologies,’ Sakura said, looking slyly at Ino. Tenten glanced at Neji, who was resolutely staring at the ceiling. ‘She said she would’ve loved to come, but she’s… ‘got stuff to do’.’

‘Like shagging Naruto!’ Ino added, in a stage whisper, and she and Sakura descended into giggles. Tenten’s eyes darted to Neji again, but he was lying absolutely still, eyes unmoving. ‘Speaking of shagging…’ Ino continued ( _nothing more about Hinata, I beg of you,_ Neji thought furiously), ‘Sakura, do you have something to share with the class?’

‘Oh?’ Tenten asked, waggling her eyebrows while whisking a bowl of egg whites furiously.

Sakura blushed. ‘Oh, well… It was the last song last night, they were playing _That’s Amore_ and – and Sasuke kissed me!’ The girls oohed and ahhed. ‘And then we went back to his!’

Ino squealed, and Tenten tried not to laugh as she saw Neji’s disgusted expression.

 _Another one bites the dust. Poor Lee. And speaking of him..._ ‘Sakura, did you see Lee on the way up?’ Neji asked, and she nodded. ‘Did he give you the flowers?’

She frowned. ‘No…’

‘He was _holding_ some calla lilies,’ Ino said thoughtfully. ‘But he just shouted hello and ran past us. I think he actually outran some guy on a bicycle.’

Neji and Tenten looked at each other.

‘Then who is he giving them to?’ Tenten asked, still whisking. ‘Assuming it’s a date…’ She trailed off. Neji was about to ask if she was alright, when she began speaking at excitedly, at double her usual pace. ‘Actually, I just realised – he lied to us! I didn’t even think he was capable of that!’ Neji, Ino and Sakura looked at her quizzically. ‘ You know, like, two days ago, how he told us he was at the library overnight, woke up there on Monday morning and went running?’ Neji nodded. ‘Well, he couldn’t have done! It was Sunday, and that’s the only day the library closes overnight. AND, it only opens again at half eight on Monday morning! So even if he had somehow got locked in overnight, he wouldn’t have been able to get out again!’

‘So,’ Ino said dramatically, ‘ _Where was he all night?_ ’

Neji cursed himself for not noticing the discrepancy with the library opening hours. He supposed that was a testament to all the time (i.e. none) he spent studying there.

‘To play devil’s advocate,’ Neji began (Ino and Sakura groaned and Tenten muttered something under her breath like ‘typical man’). ‘Lee is the kind of person who could fall asleep standing up, outside.’

‘But it was so cold that night!’ Tenten argued. ‘Even Lee couldn’t sleep through that.’

‘Check his coat for hairs,’ Ino said. ‘That’s the classic, right? Like in _The Incredibles?_ ’

‘Neji, you go,’ Tenten said, waving a spatula at him. ‘I’ve got pancakes to make.’

Neji went into the hallway and examined Lee’s green puffer jacket. Thankfully in his haste to leave, Lee had left it behind. Neji took it down and examined it carefully, inside and out. He prided himself on his sharp eyesight and soon enough – _bingo._ A reddish hair, about 7 – 8 inches long.

He carried it back in triumphantly. ‘It’s a red head.’

‘Ooh!’ Ino said. ‘Okay, how many gingers do we know?’ She sniggered. ‘Maybe Karin’s found a new Dracula.’

Sakura rolled her eyes. ‘Oh God, don’t remind me. I buying lunch in the department café, and she was working at the till. And _Professor Senju_ was with me. I thought I would die trying to keep a straight face.’

‘Ok, what about Tayuya?’ Ino suggested. ‘The scary one who’s in that band.’

‘I’m… not sure Lee could handle that,’ Neji said. Rather, he could picture Tayuya chasing Lee and threatening to murder him with her flute. Neji himself preferred to give her a wide berth on the (infrequent, _thank goodness_ ) occasions when their paths crossed.

Tenten nodded. ‘Yeah, she’d eat him alive.’

‘Karui from my Clinical Imaging class has hair about that colour,’ Sakura said thoughtfully. ‘She’s a little hot-blooded, like Lee. And she’s super gorgeous.’

‘Ooh!’ Tenten said, clearly thrilled at the idea of Lee having a hot girlfriend that might understand his passion for youth and springtime. ‘Let’s see a picture!’

‘Wait, wait, wait,’ Ino said, peering over Sakura’s shoulder as the latter swiped through her phone. ‘That’s the Karui you're talking about?’ She paused. ‘Err… Okay. Well. Keep this on the down-low, but she and Chouji are kind of a thing? She’s definitely not dating Lee. And why are we being so heteronormative, people? Has Lee ever expressed interest in anything not girls?’

‘Actually, to my knowledge, the only person he’s expressed any interest in is Sakura,’ Tenten said thoughtfully. ‘Do we know any red-headed men?’

‘Gaara?’

‘Surely not…’ Tenten said, grimacing. ‘I think Lee would end up in a body bag.’

‘What about that one guy from Tinder you went to the waffle place with?’ Ino asked Sakura. ‘He was a postgrad but looked like he was about fifteen.’

Sakura grimaced. ‘Sasori. Yeah, he was a redhead,’ _The same Sasori whose tweezers Hidan didn’t borrow?_ ‘But he also gave off major murder vibes.’ _He_ _probably was then._

‘Anyone have any more ideas?’ Neji asked.

The ensuing silence said No. They had run out of Known Redheads.

_Week 10, Friday – Last Day of Term_

‘Are you sure you’ll be alright?’ Tenten asked, as Neji stood on their doorstep, suitcase next to him. ‘Because you’ve avoided her for two weeks, and now you’re going to be spending three hours on the train with her.’

Neji smiled. ‘I’ll be fine. Ino recommended me some movies to pass the time, and if it gets too unbearable, I’ll just lock myself in the bathroom and call you.’

‘Okay,’ Tenten said. ‘And call me over the holidays as well, if you start feeling broody. Maybe we can set up a three-way call with Lee, if he actually manages to _get_ a signal in the Peak District or wherever he is.’

Neji smirked. ‘Or if he and Guy actually stop running at any point from yesterday to the start of term.’ He whistled under his breath. ‘Poor Kakashi. Imagine being on holiday with those two.’

Tenten snorted. ‘Yikes.’ Her brow furrowed. ‘You will let us know if you’re not coping though, won’t you?’

‘I said I would, didn’t I? Besides, it’s not like Hinata’s the only cousin I have, there are _so many_ of them.’ His tone did not exactly imply that this was a good thing. ‘I probably won’t even have time to think about it.’

She nudged him and smirked. ‘Maybe you’ll come back like, ‘Hinata? _What was I thinking?!_ This term, it’s all about _Tokuma_. Tokuji! Or Nejuma? Hm.’

Neji pulled her a hug and informed her in no uncertain terms that he would rather die. Then he set off for the train station.

_Week 11, Friday, after a month’s holiday and a week back_

‘Never have I ever slept with Kiba’s Mountain Landscapes lecturer!’

Sasuke threw his hands up. ‘You all already _know_ that I did that! What’s the point in making me drink again?’

‘It’s fun to see you squir- ’ Kiba broke off, a look of complete astonishment spreading across his face as he stared, transfixed at the person across from him. ‘D-Did Lee just drink? Lee, did you just drink?’

Lee, who was removing the bottle from his mouth, froze. ‘Yes? Was I not meant to?’

‘You only drink if you’ve done what Ino said _she_ hadn’t done,’ Tenten explained kindly. ‘So in this case, you would only drink if you _had_ slept with Kiba’s Mountain Landscape lecturer.’

‘Oh, that’s okay then!’

There was a moment of silence.

‘Lee!’ Tenten cried. ‘Since when!’

‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ Neji demanded.

‘ _She’s_ the secret girlfriend?’ Shikamaru asked, with a rare level of incredulity.

Ino gasped. ‘The mystery redhead! We didn’t even think to consider of her!’

Lee explained. ‘Mei is a woman that truly understands and appreciates the value of youthful passion! That day we met her in Sasuke’s kitchen, she slipped her phone number into one of my legwarmers! And I knew from the moment I saw her that her great beauty would only be enhanced to otherworldly dimensions were she attired in green! So we went on a truly youthful and idyllic punt up the river. When I finally introduced her to Mr Guy, he approved! And that - ’ he finished dramatically, ‘was when I proposed - ’ (Neji and Tenten shared horrified glances) ‘ – that she become the one and only flower of my affections, and that we spend our youths together. My girlfriend,’ he confirmed dreamily, and his housemates breathed a sigh of relief, glad that Lee hadn’t actually gotten carried away and married a woman he’d only known for two months.

‘Is this okay?’ Tenten whispered to Neji, as everyone else was interrogating Lee, or murmuring about this new development. ‘She’s quite a bit older, and a lecturer to boot.’

Neji frowned. ‘Well, I suppose she’s not _his_ lecturer, or in his faculty, nor will she ever be, unless he turns his back on physiotherapy and decides to do geography instead, which I find extremely unlikely. And despite certain behaviours, Lee is not a child. He’s 21, and you - ’ he said, as Tenten started to protest, ‘ – are not his mother. We can’t stop him, and it seems like he’s happy. Odd match though it might seem.’

‘Odd indeed,’ Tenten said. ‘Never thought I’d hear of anyone whose taste in men ranges from _Sasuke_ to _Lee._ ’ Neji snorted. ‘Hey, if she’s a staff member, can we still give her the shovel talk? You know, ‘if you ever do anything to hurt him…’

Neji went out into the empty street to get some air. He was having fun, but the sight of Hinata and Naruto curled up on the couch together, their hands intertwined, Naruto kissing her every so often, making her blush – it wasn’t nice to handle. It still hurt a little. It was no longer like being punched in the stomach, but rather like someone was poking at the bruise.

‘Mind if I join you?’ a woman’s voice asked, and he turned to see Sakura, bundled up in a pink fluffy coat and lighting a cigarette. ‘You want one?’

‘No, I don’t smoke,’ Neji said. ‘And by all means.’

They stood side by side in silence for a while.

‘When Sasuke kissed me,’ Sakura said, out of the blue. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy - when I found out I was accepted to med school, maybe. I thought, in that moment, this is it! This is where the rest of my life begins!’ She took a drag and laughed bitterly. ‘Of course, it all ended the next day. He treats me just like he did before, although now it’s worse, because before, there was always the possibility…’ Her voice broke.

‘He’s an arsehole. An notorious arsehole.’

She laughed without humour again. ‘Yeah. But I love him anyway. It’s crazy, but I can’t stop.’ She exhaled heavily. ‘It isn’t fun, this unrequited love business.’ Neji wondered if he was imagining the implied _is it?_ and his head jerked up. Did she know about what he felt for Hinata?

‘I wouldn’t know,’ he said quickly. Then, on some weird impulse he added: ‘But… it doesn’t last forever, does it? It can’t.’ He regretted it instantly. That was a weird display of vulnerability considering he didn’t know Sakura that well.

‘Neji - ’ Sakura started, then she sighed. ‘I mean, I know I’m pathetic - I can’t imagine not loving him, but – oh! There is hope. Case in point, Karin! She was apparently really obsessed with him – he said she came across as slightly unhinged – but now she has a boyfriend, who isn’t Sasuke!’

‘Who is it?’

‘He’s friendly with Sasuke actually… I think his name is Suigetsu?’

‘Do you mean Suigetsu Hozuki?’ Neji said, with a dawning sense of glee. _Oh, it’s too perfect._

'I think so?'

‘Doesn’t he have, like, really pointy teeth? Karin’s living out all her vampire dreams.’

‘Living her best life,’ Sakura said solemnly. ‘Giving us all hope that there is reason to live after Sasuke Uchiha.’ She broke into giggles and even Neji’s features relaxed into a smile.

‘So this term, although sadly neither of us will, uh, become Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, we will prevail anyway?’ Neji said, raising his eyebrows and holding out a hand. He hoped he was right that Sakura knew what he was getting at.

She smiled at him and shook his hand. ‘Amen to that.’

Epilogue

_Week 14, Wednesday_

Tenten had certainly taken on a daunting task, planning and preparing dinner for Chinese New Year for nine people (with Lee and Neji as her sous-chefs) but she was handling it fairly well. _Fairly_ well; she was still clearly a little stressed as the hour of judgement approached.

‘Lee, get AWAY!’ she snapped, rapping him on the knuckles with a teaspoon. ‘Stop eating all the filling or we won’t have any dumplings for later!’ Lee cradled his hand and looked at her like a kicked puppy. She sighed. ‘Go and have a bit of peanut brittle. It’s in that cupboard, top shelf. Pink box.’ Neji watched, amused, as Lee immediately brightened and darted over to said cupboard to retrieve the sweets. ‘Neji, how are the dumplings coming along?’

‘Good, I think,’ he said, he said, showing her the plate of neatly folded flat dumplings. ‘I’ve done about half.’

‘Great!’ she said and checked her watch. ‘Okay, half an hour until guests start arriving. I should put the rice on – no, I need to start steaming the fish, and stir-fry the veggies… LEE!’ He stopped mid-crunch. ‘Would you preheat the oven?’

‘Of course!’

‘Thanks. Oh, _why_ did I agree to host this…?’

Neji put a hand on her elbow. ‘Um, I believe you said it was to celebrate me somehow managing to turn in all my summatives on time last term, against the odds.’ That got a smile out of her. _Victory!_ ‘Now, calm down, everything’s under control. All the guests will be very impressed.’

‘Indeed they will, Tenten! Everyone will be able to taste your youthful flair and energy in each bite of your creations!’

She beamed at them. ‘Thanks guys. Couldn’t ask for better minions, really.’

Neji smiled to himself as he went through the process of spooning the filling into the dumpling wrapper, wetting his finger, sealing the edge and flattening the dumpling. _This term,_ he thought, _this is it, no distractions, less alcohol and no awkward crushes._ He felt calm and happy as he looked on as his housemates prepared for the night ahead. Lee was puzzling over creating a flower display for the centre of the table, clearly doing his best to maximise the use of green plants. Tenten was standing opposite Neji, dicing mushrooms with frightening efficiency and apparently without much effort.

Twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang. Before they went to greet the guests, Tenten had all three of them take a sip of the niánjiǔ her parents had sent her. ‘It’s good luck,’ she explained. ‘Which means it’s worth Lee losing control of his limbs.’ They passed the mug around, each drinking from it, and then went out into the hallway to let the night’s antics begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats if you made it to the end! I hope everyone enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.


End file.
